“If we expose our kids to books and art, nothing but good can come from it.”
--Kevin Henkes
My approach to raising decent humans comfortable in their own skin and at home in the world comes down to a promise I made to my first child during the 22-week sonogram that announced “Boy!” As the youngest in a family of seven girls (let that sink in) not only did I not know the first thing about taking care of babies, I knew even less about raising boys. But rather than give into my tendency to squint far into the way too distant future and panic, I made a promise to follow his lead. That’s right, before he was born, I left a lot up to my son to see for himself. This may sound negligent, he was just a fetus after all, but making the conscious decision not to worry so much and over think every tiny detail about parenthood and motherhood and boyhood, and instead to follow my son wherever his needs and interests took him for as long as he wanted me around is one of the two best promises I’ve ever kept. The other is to read with him every day.
I have two sons now, eleven and six, and I’m pleased to report that reading with them and following their lead is working out great so far. I’ve loved beyond measure introducing them to literary companions from my childhood that my mother and I read about together. Endearing characters she and I adored like Ramona the pest, Ferdinand the bull, Amelia Bedilia, George and his friend the man with the yellow hat, are among my sons’ favorites, too. Keeping my promise to take my sons’ lead, I’ve spent precious hours with them in spectacularly beautiful places I’d never been to before with extraordinary characters I might never have met if not for them – stuttering, toothless dragons, brave and noble heroes from Hogwarts, and a young mouse named Wemberly.* She, along with all of Kevin Henkes’ wonderful characters -- Owen, Chrysanthemum, Billy Miller, Julius and his big sister Lilly with her purple plastic purse, to name a few -- are very present in our shared consciousness.
We were introduced to Henkes by my older son’s pre-K teacher, a woman I will forever remember as The Wise and Wonderful Mrs. H. (I worship teachers like her, by the way, and librarians.) At meet-the-teacher day, I asked Mrs. H (because privacy) for a good book recommendation about the first day of school, you know “to help my son transition into his new environment.” I’m pretty sure she saw straight through me when she suggested Henkes’ back-to-school favorite, Wemberly Worried.
In the story, Wemberly is about to start pre-K. The problem is, as the title suggests, Wemberly worries a lot about “Big things, little things, and things in between.” Starting school introduces a whole new set of questions and worries, all of which are perfectly understandable from a four-year-old’s perspective, questions about the teacher and wearing stripes, and questions about having to go to the bathroom and having to cry. While her mother, father and grandmother urge her repeatedly not to worry, she does anyway. I can relate. Really, I can’t think of a less effective way to stop worrying than being told “don’t worry.” My boys agree. And that’s the brilliance of Henkes. Not only does he perfectly capture the bigness of a child’s life and the courage children have to possess to get through it, I the grown up can relate to the situations and characters Henkes creates. ** Reading Wemberly Worried with my boys reminds me that what the boys and I enjoy about certain books and characters, what keeps them close to our hearts, isn’t always going to be the same. We might laugh at the same lines, and linger over many of the same pictures, but we’ll walk away holding onto different details. At the end of the story, Wemberly stops worrying once she sees for herself what school is all about. This reassuring message worked for my son then, and works to this day when they’re facing a new unknown. Sometimes all it takes to settle their nerves a little is to ask, “Remember Wemberly?” It’s what I’ve been telling myself as I get ready to publish this, my first, blog post.
In moments of parental worry, confusion, or distress, I’ll sometimes turn to the few selected experts sitting on my shelf and a certain guru mom (thinking of my calm and rational friend, Dr. K.). Sometimes I’ll go to super hero teachers and librarians for suggestions and recommendations. And for all the rest that comes up while raising two boys, I follow their lead and go to what we’ve read together.
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*Probably not necessary to add, but alluding to: the Ramona series, by Beverly Cleary; Ferdinand The Bull, by Munro Leaf; Amelia Bedilia books, by Peggy Parish; Curious George, created by H. A. Rey; the How to Train Your Dragon series (the 12 books, not the movie or TV series), by Cressida Cowell; and, of course, the Harry Potter series from our dearest of friends, (not really, but we call her that. See “About”) J.K. Rowling. Future posts will cover these favorites and more.
**In an NPR interview about Waiting, Kevin Henkes’ 2015 picture book about what is asked of children – patience – and what children often experience – loss – our friend (not really. See “About”) reveals how well he understands his audience: “Well, kids are tough, and kids are resilient. And kids - you know, sometimes, I think, as adults, we think of them as - because they're small in size, that they're small in all ways. And they're not. I mean, they have big feelings, and they, you know, have big eyes. And they see things. They hear things. They, you know - they're living their life just the way an adult does. And I think sometimes, as adults, we forget that.” And that right there is why we love reading Kevin Henkes together.